Monday, 15 June 2009
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~*~ Stupid Girl ~*~
[written 6/12/09]Yeah...I think that I'm getting dumber with age instead of smarter. That's a scary thought. Last night I did something so incredibly stupid...twice. I'm trying to undo it, but there's only so much I can do right now (cuz I'm stuck at work, etc.).
Work is starting to kill me. My feet hurt so bad, and it's a constant ache (like even when I wake up in the morning, my feet are hurting). I'm sure I'm going to develop plantar fascitis or something. Our sessions are getting longer and longer, and we are having more and more of them (yesterday we had three in one day). It's rough. I even bought new shoes that are supposed to be more comfortable, but I guess my feet are so far gone that no shoes are comfortable anymore (standing w/o really moving for 5 hours a day really stinks).
On top of that, the higher level of stress is bringing out the worst in people, namely the higher ups. I got yelled at by Stacia for something that was a complete misunderstanding and not even anything that I did wrong. It ruined my day. I almost didn't go to the sine die (end of the legislative session) party. Fortunately, the universe conspired to change my mind. I ended up going with Trent, the food was good, the skit was somewhat funny, and then I got to bring Trent home with me, where he gave me a foot rub. Ahhh.
But last night we had the talk about kids. OMG. He always talks about how he loves kids, so I naturally assumed that he wanted kids. Apparently I was wrong. He loves other people's kids, but he gets annoyed if around them for too long. BUT...we're talking and he tells me, "Okay, don't freak out, but I never wanted kids but then I met you and you melted my heart in regards to that, and I would totally father your children." Oh my. It was a very interesting conversation. We both agreed, however, that we are not ready for children any time in the near future (thank god).
[6/15/09]
What a weekend. From Friday afternoon until almost midday on Sunday I was with Trent. Saturday we went to the beach...Newport, Lincoln City, and Pacific City. We climbed partway up the dune and had a gorgeous view of the sea, then we built a little fire at the base of the cliff and roasted marshmallows and hotdogs. It was a first for me...and totally awesome. My only complaint is that the beach was not very secluded/private... *wink*
But even if any kind of physical intimacy was out of the question, emotional intimacy was very present. We got onto a dangerous topic : marriage. It seems like all day we'd been talking about it in one form or another (his mom discussing the marriages of her daughters, him talking about the marriage of his friends, etc.), and so I finally asked him why he'd never been married. He responded, "I'm scared of marriage. Didn't you know it's the number one cause of divorce?" I had to laugh at that one. But I asked him if he always imagined that things would end badly, or end, period. He said yes. I was like, "Well that sucks." I just don't go into things thinking that they're going to turn out badly, you know? I like to have faith that things will work out for the best. Anyway, he then asked me if I would ever get married. I was like, "Of course! I WANT to!" He's like, "Really? You're not afraid of marriage?" I was like, "No." He's like, "That's cool." Long pause, then he asks, "So would you ever consider marrying an old, stubborn bachelor like me?" I had to laugh, then I said, "I would consider it." He didn't say anything after that, just squeezed me tighter and kissed me.
Later on as we were falling asleep the topic came up again and he said that he would consider marrying me if I could help him overcome his fear. That seemed like a weird condition, and yet totally logical at the same time. But I was like, "Uh...I don't know how to do that." He's like, "Just be patient with me." No problem. I have patience in abundance when it comes to THAT particular topic.
It's weird, though. He's already made several references to the future...our future. Last Tuesday was our one-month anniversary. I wasn't planning to make a big deal out of it (truth be told, I kind of forgot about it), but Monday night he calls me to remind me and asked if I wanted to hang out. Tuesday he brings me roses, lavendar, a gift bag, and a homemade card with a poem that he wrote himself. It was so sweet, and if I had it in front of me right now I would retype it for you. I almost cried. ANYWAY, it was a wonderful evening, and as we were falling asleep he told me that his dream was to grow old with me and sit on a park bench feeding the ducks and arguing about the little things that don't mean anything, like where I hid the remote. So he wants to grow old with me, but he's not entirely sold on the idea of marrying me. I'm not sure I'm okay with that. Frankie said that if there was one pearl of wisdom she could share with me, it would be not to get married (just to live together for life). But I really like the idea of marriage, and I'm not sure I would want to emotionally invest in a guy who doesn't necessarily want to make that kind of commitment to me (out of fear that the marriage would fail, which doesn't show a lot of faith in me or us or himself). Anywho, it's way too early to get worked up about this, but that's the latest scoop.
Work is super stressful, long hours, feet hurt. There is the possibility that we will be ending early, and I actually kind of hope that this is the case. There is also the possibility that Trent and I will be taking a trip to Hawaii in July, but that is not set in stone. Just know that there are tons of happenings in the world of Lauren.
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